Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Improvised Explosive Device

All the best experts say one can improvise explosives and incendiaries from common household chemicals, but here's one I haven't read about.

Ingredients:

1 egg, large, raw.
1 pokey thingy (a can opener will do).
1 microwave oven.
1 dude, middle aged, slightly tubby, shirtless.

Remove egg from ice box. Use pokey thingy to poke a small hole in the large end to release steam...it won't work, but will reduce feelings of total dufusness by approximately 2%. Insert egg in microwave. Nukey-nukey one minute. Open door, pick up slightly cracked egg. Watch and listen as it explodes in itty bitty pieces all over stove top, stock pot, cabinets, counter, floor, dude.

Clean up: Definitely. Best done before Beloved Spouse returns from long day at work. 1) Remove yellow bomb frags from belly button. 2) Sponge up remaining bomb frags from microwave, stove top, stock pot, cabinets, counter, floor, dude, disgruntled cats. (Interesting though it would be, do not chart bomb frag dispersion pattern as a murder detective would arterial blood on affected surfaces. Beloved Spouse might consider doing so eccentric.) 3)Insert last ingredient in shower. 4) On way to shower, observe that bed remains unmade. 5) Make bed before Beloved Spouse returns home. 3B) Get in shower NOW!

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2 Comments:

Anonymous Dan said...

I thought you were eggsaggerating until I searched YouTube for "microwave egg explosion".

Thursday, December 4, 2008 at 9:41:00 AM HST  
Blogger TTB said...

Eggs apparently work better than coconuts.

Thursday, December 4, 2008 at 1:35:00 PM HST  

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