Well, if we can't eat cows because they are...

...lesbian nymphomaniacs who like an intellectual challenge (Click here: Times Online - Sunday Times ), and now it seems plants like nothing so much as to plan for the future and be companionable and solve math problems, just what are we going to eat?

Some scientists say (plants) carefully consider their environment, speculate on the future, conquer territory and enemies, and are often capable of forethought - revelations that could affect everyone from gardeners to philosophers.

They sound sorta like Republicans. Well, except for the environment part.

The debate is rapidly moving past the theoretical. In space, "smart plants" can provide not only food, oxygen, and clean air, but also valuable companionship for lonely space travelers, say some - a boon for astronauts if America is to go to Mars.

Well, then, they better be careful about taking Venus flytraps.

Not only can plants communicate with each other and with insects by coded gas exhalations...

Let's not go there.

...scientists say now, they can perform Euclidean geometry calculations through cellular computations...

Great. Maybe Larry Summers can hire them for Harvard.

...and, like a peeved boss, remember the tiniest transgression for months.

Just wait 'til dandelions get nukes. As Ward Churchill likes to remind us, it's the chickens coming home to roost among all the backyard Eichmanns.

To a growing number of biologists, the fact that plants are now known to challenge and exert power over other species is proof of a basic intellect.

Sorta like Dubya?

Patrik Jonsson has the story in the Christian Science Monitor: Click here: New research opens a window on the minds of plants csmonitor.com