Lying on one's back whilst squealing like a drunken hedgehog

Well, yes, the English WOULD be concerned about such behavior, and they have thoughtfully provided just the place for hedgehog rehabilitation. Yes, the Brits have provided the Prickly Ball Hedgehog Hospital in South Devon for just such events.

As reported in the This is North Devon.co.uk ("At the heart of all things local"):

A HEDGEHOG had to be rescued in Braunton after getting drunk by eating fermenting apples.

The animal — now named Tipsy — was discovered in an orchard on his back and squealing loudly last Wednesday.

Hedgehog honcho Ann McCormack was called in.

"The hedgehog kept falling over and was on its back with its legs up in the air for most of the time.

"This is definitely the first drunk hedgehog I have found."

Tipsy was taken home by Ann and given painkillers, antibiotics and some non- alcoholic apple juice.

Ann said: "The next morning I came in and turned the light on and she squealed really loudly. She obviously still had a big headache."

Either that or she wasn't very happy with that non-alcoholic apple juice.

Mightn't cutting off Tipsy's supply of naturally fermented apple juice constitute hedgehog abuse? Shouldn't the traditional values of the hedgehog community be taken into account? Why isn't the RSPCA stepping in on Tipsy's side? Say it not: Alas, the RSPCA has been taken over by wowsers.

Also to raise concern, and likely far more so than a tippling hedgehog's toppling in the privacy of an orchard, Tipsy is here referred to both as him and she.

So now the ultimate questions are: Is Tipsy sexually confused? Could Tipsy be a tippling, toppling, hung over, transgendered hedgehog? What treatments are available for such, even in the United Kingdom?

Should s/he be brought to America for gender reassignment surgery? And should Stimulus Monies be used? Rather...How much Stimulus Monies should be used?

Obviously, as much as it takes. With pre- and post-surgical counseling, until Tipsy is at peace with his/her self.

Hedgehog happiness: our collective responsibility.