Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Kitchen Knives

One Christopher Snow has a short essay in Reviews.com on the knives which are needed for a kitchen (in his opinion, not many). One comment sparked another:
Filet knifes are also quite useful: both for fish (you can sort of use the bread knife for it, but it will be awkward and time consuming and probably will wear down the knife if you do it too often) and killing intruders (you can sort of use the bread knife for it, but it will be awkward and time consuming and probably will wear down the knife if you do it too often).

Reply:

CalvinPi

Hi jeremyjanson, All the best authorities agree that intruders really do require two knives.

First, one needs a sharp 12 inch chef's knife, ideally in well-darkened carbon steel, for the actual killing part. A 12 inch is frequently capable of the easiest kill of all: one look at it and they keel over dead of fright. In the case of a particularly death resistant specimen, simply insert the blade, tip first. Nearly anywhere will do, especially if repeated several times.

There is, of course, another school of intruder chefs which prefers the cleaver, or in a few rare cases, known as Neo-Bordenists*, aficionados of the double bitted woodsman ax. Such traditional edged tools, however, are, technically speaking, not in fact actual knives, and should be discussed in a separate forum.

After one has satisfactorily used the 12 inch chef's knife, then and only then does the fillet knife come into its own.

For grilling instructions, consult "Fried Green Tomatoes".

And don't forget a good mop.

*After the eponymous Lizzie Borden. If unfamiliar with Mz. Borden's accomplishments, please refer to Wikipedia.
For the complete article, see here.

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