Chinese Assault Mango

 Totally unregulated Chinese Assault Mango: 

Notice that while President The Donald held office these Chinese Assault Mangoes were too afraid to commit any depredations against America. They knew what would happen.

Now, however, under President Gropey Joe, they know the response will be limited to ‘Hey, come on, man!’ and generous subsidies.

So exactly what nefarious crime did this particular ChiCom Assault Mango commit, and when did it commit it, you might ask?

Yesterday, as I was putting trash in the trash containers, responsibly sorting the recyclables or else, minding my own business, mind you, I was assaulted upon the right shoulder, just missing my jugular, by this dastardly Chinese Assault Mango, which then rolled off into the jungle aka the Bird of Paradise hedge.

Ignoring my wound and charging into the ambush, as it were, I captured the fiend and hauled it off to POW Central, where it shall be interrogated atop vanilla ice cream.

Sic semper mangifera! Thus always to Assault Mangos!