Sunday, March 12, 2006

Of Yards and Men

There are limits to my interest in herbaceous perfection, which is a good thing as the current yard is and ever shall remain far distant from the micro-manicured hell-holes of Palm Beach and Port Royal.

I have decided for the moment to let the clover with its delicate yellow flowers have its way with the grass, which will have to fight for its own rights. No help from this insensitive quarter. Call it Evolution in Action. Or Multi-Herbalism.

We have had a ton of rain lately, tho nothing like the Windward side of the island, which has had flooding and land slides galore. A couple days ago I took advantage of it all: I had bought some fertilizer for the lawn and used it a couple months ago, and was ready to do it again. I have a cute little green plastic doohicky which fits over my left hand with a little fertilizer resevoir on top, and a little red crank on the right to spread the fertilizer pellets. At a quarter acre Valerie and I have a big yard by the standards of Paradise, but dinky enuf by Mainland standards so it only takes about 4 fills to cover most of it. However, the instructions call for sprinkling the lawn after application so the pellets are washed off lest the leaves of grass get burned. However, why bother sprinkling if it is raining like the Deluge? I leapt into my sandals, threw on a blaze orange poncho, and flipflopped around the yard cranking my little plastic fertilizer spreader in the rain. Joe Suburb in action! GI Joe could hardly do better.

We planted a Native Hawaiian Yellow Hibiscus by the lanai a couple months ago and it is growing so fast I may have to transplant it to the lawn. It's allegedly an endangered species and came with a spiffy little orange plastic stake about the size of a tongue depressor which I had to plant next to it: Although it hasn't grown a jot it gives me Official Permission to have yon Hibiscus. Cool. So when the stake disintegrates do I get arrested? Does Hawaii have Hibiscus Monitors checking out the yard? Do the Feds? Should I be worried? Should I have some cash around for payoffs? Or just keep my business affairs in order? Such are the stresses of Suburban Utopia inParadise.

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