The World Is Spinning Out Of Control Department

The Honolulu Star-Advertiser today reported that Philadelphia has been attacked by rabid beavers. "Authorities" (it's ALWAYS "authorities", isn't it?) "are warning people to be on the alert..."

Are besieged Philadelphians at this very moment watching neighbors toppling after herds of giant rabid beavers gnaw through their ankles? Are depodified persons being dragged screaming through the streets by giant rodents frothing at the mouth? Are beady-eyed paddle tails driving Philadelphians headfirst into the mud even as we speak? Are flocks of slavering beavers chewing their way through house walls and making off with the kindling? Is President Obama sending in the SEALS to take out the beavers? Will he send in the CIA, only to discover that beavers LIKE waterboarding?

The Star-Advertiser made the report in their dead tree version. Coincidence, or Polynesian Quislings?

More here.