Use Enough Gun

 To heck with the 9mm vs .45 argument. Use an adequate bullet and you don’t need expansion. 

I sent this in to the NRA’s Armed Citizen Dept but have yet to get a reply from the obviously awestruck staffers:

OK, you asked for any NRA Member Armed Citizen experiences, and here is an Occupied Premises Home Invasion to chill you to the bone. Or warm the cockles of your heart, depending on which side you identify with.

Sunday night, October 2nd, my wife, Valerie, and I were quietly reading in our living room in Aiea, Hawaii, when I noticed movement across the room. Stealthily I picked up a short stack of mail and beat the perp senseless. Valerie asked if he was dead. Nope: while lying stunned on the floor, he looked like he might soon resume his nefarious activities.

My Inner Machismo took over. I manfully picked up a 24 pound cast steel self defense cannonball lying ready for any eventuality on the floor by my feet, stood over the stunned perp and dropped it on him. 

I’ve heard of the questionable practice of killing a mosquito with a hammer, but I can say with the Authority of Experience that a 24 pound cast steel solid shot does a fine and decisive job on an Occupied Premises Home Invading cockroach. None of your controlled expansion hollow points needed.

N.B.: while I had to drop the shot by hand, that was not entirely due to the pernicious Hawaii state ban on cannons from which to shoot it. Even if I had one, firing a 24 pounder in the living room would violate several of the rules of safety, as well as stressing our windows, perforating several neighbors’ houses, and drawing unwanted and unnecessary attention. Our insurance agent might get all squinty eyed as well.

Lesson Learned: the debate over 9mm vs .45 is for amateurs. Use a big enough bullet and you need not worry about expansion.

Documentary Evidence: